Here is a proposed claim for compensation from the Trump $1.776 billion Scam Fund. The legal citations are real. The rest of it, sadly, will not be real.
Dear Acting Attorney General Blanche:
Please accept this notice of my claim for compensation under the Trump vs. IRS Settlement Agreement. If you can try to suck money out of the people with shit like this, I don’t see why I can’t also try.
Through a combination of various policies pursued by the Trump Administration, including but not limited to, the War in Iran, the price that I have had to pay to fill up my car with gas has increased over fifty percent. It is bad enough that this increase is costing me money, but what’s even worse is that it has infringed on my constitutional rights. In particular, I have a constitutional right to travel. Government policies cannot impinge on a person’s ability to move from state to state. This right has been repeatedly recognized by the U.S. Supreme Court. As it said in Shapiro v. Thompson, 394 U.S. 618 (1969):
“This Court long ago recognized that the nature of our Federal Union and our constitutional concepts of personal liberty unite to require that all citizens be free to travel throughout the length and breadth of our land.” 395 U.S. at 629.
And even more specifically they said again in Saenz v. Roe, 526 U.S. 489 (1999):
“The right of ‘free ingress and regress to and from’ neighboring states which was expressly mentioned in the text of the Article of Confederation, may simply have been ‘conceived from the beginning to be a necessary concomitant of the stronger Union the Constitution created.’” 526 U.S. at 501.
The pursuit of the irrational and cluelessly planned War in Iran and its resulting increase in gas prices has violated this constitutional right of mine. I have been unable to travel to see my family and my friends as often as I would like. President Trump’s experience may be different. He does not care about seeing his family and he obviously has no friends. But I love my family and friends and I care about seeing them.
And, as President Trump would say in a commercial for one of his phony products, “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.” My travel restrictions have also impinged on another of my constitutional rights – my rights of speech and assembly. I have been unable to attend as many anti-Trump rallies as I would like. I have therefore been unable to adequately express my views about the destruction that this President is visiting on the country that I love.
Suppression of these constitutional rights is certainly more worthy of compensation than is the compensation you are now planning to bestow on those who acted illegally while attempting to subvert those very rights.
I guess you want to know how much I am asking for. I will use the same method of calculation that President Trump uses. I will pull the numbers out of my ass.
I want $1.776 billion. I know this will use up the entire amount of the established fund, but that is my purpose. That way none of this corrupt slush fund can go to any of the criminals for which is it now intended.
I will accept payment only in cash. Please do not pay me in Trump cryptocurrency, Trump Steaks, Trump Wine, Trump Bibles, Trump Watches and by no means, give me a Trump IOU.
If I ever filed this claim, it would be more likely that I would have the F.B.I. sent to my house than would any money.
[AUTHOR’S NOTE: THIS BLOG IS INTENDED ESPECIALLY FOR NEW JERSEY’S MOST PROMINENT DENTIST: DR. FRED ROSEN, WHO, ONLY AFTER YEARS OF IMPLORING HIM, HAS FINALLY SUBSCRIBED]
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