For this entry it took more concentration than I could muster to write complete blogs about either one of the following two topics, so I just put a short version of the two together.
- The Wrong Heritage
I watched the PGA golf tournament last Sunday. It was the final round of the Heritage Classic. It was played in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
The tournament came down to two players – Scottie Schffler and Matt Fizpatrick. Scheffler is American and Fitzpatrick is British. In a context in which those differing nationalities should mean absolutely nothing, they didn’t. They meant way too much. Over the course of the finishing holes, including the playoff hole, the South Carolina crowd repeatedly yelled “U.S.A. U.S.A.” to root Scheffler on. No one sang “God Save the King” for Fitzpatrick.
What were these people thinking? Did they really believe that which of the two players won this golf tournament would actually say anything about either country? In fact, Fitzpatrick, the “foreigner,” went to college in Chicago and now lives in Florida. So why did these fans cheer like that? Well, like so many events in this era, it all goes back to Trump. Not because he caused any of this, but because it caused him.
I can fairly assume that the crowd in South Carolina had plenty of MAGA’s in it. Not saying that all South Carolinians have lost their minds, but voting records indicate that most of them have. To those, so much of their very identity hinges on their being American. For various reasons, they have invested themselves in being part of what they consider this very special group – Americans. It is clearly the best group; the greatest and freest and strongest group in the history of the planet. At least that’s what they are repeatedly told. We are all told that, but some of us grow up. To those who continue to believe, it makes them feel better about themselves. Any threat to that vision must be heartily rejected by MAGA because it doesn’t fit into their unalterable delusion.
And so, they cling to Orange Julius. Whether he knows it or not, O.J. feeds off that. He tells them exactly what they want to hear, exactly what they need to hear. He tells them that because they are Americans they are the chosen people (religious reference intentional), the people whose role it is to tell the world how to behave. He tells them they must disregard the WOKE (read, “weak”) crowd of traitors.
And they eat it up. And then they spit it out in the form of words like, “U.S.A. “U.S.A”.
- A Papal Proposal
This idea is simple. I don’t know which public figure you think has recently sounded the most reasonable and thoughtful and incisive, but I know who I do – Pope Leo XIV.
Let’s get started making the bumper stickers: “Pope for Prez”
Why not?
First of all, who doesn’t love a guy named “Leo”?
Also, he qualifies. He’s American. Yeah, I know, he’s also the Pope. Not an insurmountable problem. He could resign the Papal job. It’s been done before. Or he could just work both. The Constitution says nothing about The Presidency being a full-time job. (See Donnie’s golf rounds). And what about that other Constitutional issue? That separation of church and state bullshit? Hah. Did you ever believe that was a real thing?
Would the Pope consider the Presidency to be a step down? Not really. Being Pope has a slew of downsides. The guy has to walk around all the time in that unflattering white gown, and for all of his power and money, there are no women. Also, Popes don’t even have a nuclear arsenal to play around with.
And maybe most important, Pope Leo has been the most effective challenger to Orange Julius that we have yet to see. He has gone toe to toe with O.J. and he’s won every round. Every time the Loony Leader tries to throw a punch, the Pope ducks it and counters with an uppercut to O.J.’s flabby belly. He doubles O.J. over so far that his orange head hangs lower than his red tie.
What the Pope has accomplished in such a short time is something that we have long needed but that no one had stepped up to do. The Pope has now stepped up. He is the one who has finally shined the long-needed focus on how terribly small O.J. really is. The way the Pope addresses O.J. is poetic. The way O.J. addresses the Pope is pathetic.
Pope for Prez! Can you think of anybody better?
We were right 