Donald and Bibi – A Conversation

In my increasingly paranoid view of the world, I imagined the following phone conversation between our exalted leader and the guy in Israel with the same job.

Trump: Bibi, baby, is that you?

Bibi: Who else bubby? It’s your favorite Jew.

Trump: Oh, this makes my day even better. I’ve been having so much fun firing everybody who tried to put me in jail just for being guilty.

Bibi: I tried to do that. Couldn’t get it done. I have to keep this war going to keep me out of the hoosgow. 

(They both laugh)

Trump: Hey, look, Bibi, about that war. We have to talk.

Bibi: Yeah, the thing’s going great isn’t it?

Trump: Absolutely. I am so happy with it. And now that you’re telling the world that you’re going to take over Gaza altogether, wow, that’s genius. I hope you still have the plans for my resort. I thought you’d peaked when you started killing those bony brownies as they tried to feed their kids. Hey, “bony brownies.” That’s a good one. I may use that again.

(They both laugh again)

Bibi: Well, thank God somebody appreciates what I’m doing. All I’m getting is shit from everywhere for doing it. At least you understand.

Trump: Wish we could switch, Beebs. Wish you could fire all your honest cops, and I could shoot some brownies.

(They laugh again)

Trump: Do you have any idea how much I’m collecting from the guys who want the defense contracts that you keep paying for? Even I don’t know. It’s piles and piles. I have Eric keeping track of it for me.

Bibi: And that’s one of the reasons I’m calling. Maybe you should have Eric check his numbers again or, maybe even better, have someone else check Eric’s numbers.

Trump: Why? Eric is even better with numbers than I am. He can count all the way to ten and not even use his fingers.

Bibi: Well, somebody slipped up, mushkin. The past few payments have been a little on the low side, and when I say, “a little”, I mean “a little” like Jews eat lox “a little.”

Trump: I don’t understand.

Bibi: I’ll help you. All that military crap that we’re buying, remember what we agreed to about that? Well, I guess not. You never remember anything that hurts you. Neither do I. Well, I have it written down. We Jews do that. We agreed that I get twenty-five-per-cent of what you get. Not happening boychik. It better start or I’m coughing up what I know. Why shouldn’t I? Eventually I’m going to the lock-up anyway. If you fuck me, I’d love to take you with me.

Trump: No worries, my Christ-killing friend. It will be fixed. What else can I do for you?

Bibi: Now that you mention it. Tell everybody that this Epstein clown wasn’t really a Jew. Make him a Muslim.

Trump: Done and done. Gotta go now, though. Vladimir is calling about his cut on the Ukraine money.

I just read this over. Was it really my imagination?