Let’s Hope Not

This is a look into a not entirely impossible future:

[Face of news announcer on TV screen] 

[Announcer] Good evening. This is Barry Baritone with your evening news., or, at least with the stuff they tell me to read to you. The big story tonight is the campaign promise kept by President Donald J. Trump Jr. this afternoon. President Junior officially presided over the destruction of the Statue of Liberty. Now let’s go to our special immigration reporter, “Whitey” Waller with a description of the day’s events.

[Switch to shot of news reporter standing on the shore of Upper New York Bay. Smoke covers the scene behind him.]

Whitey:  Thanks Barry. Yes, today, the great President Donald J. Trump, Jr., or DJTJ as he is known, made sure that he kept another of his campaign promises. He has already come through with his promise to ban all masks, including Halloween, and for the reform of the Electoral College so that the incumbent President, not Congress, declares the winner. Now he has accomplished the crowning achievement of his immigration policy. He has dynamited the symbol of our country’s mistaken acceptance of all of those strange colored people who ruined our land. The Statue of Liberty is now in pieces beneath the sea. Here’s an excerpt from the speech he gave today in celebration.

[Video of DJTJ at a podium with the Bay at his back]

DJTJ: My fellow Americans, and we know who we are, don’t we? I stand before you in the wake of the destruction of the symbol of our gravest error. The Statue of Liberty is gone!

(sounds of roars and applause).

DJTJ: No longer will we have to endure the existence of that big green invitation for the great unwashed, un-English speaking, un-white of the world to enter and infest our great country. As the Great White Father, my father, once said, and as has now been enshrined below his face on Mount Rushmore,  ‘When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists.” And this applies to not just to Mexico. As the Great White Father well knew, it applies to every country that is not America.

(More sounds of roars and applause, this time even louder)

[Switched back now to Barry Baritone in the studio]

Barry: Great report Whitey. Just another of the many great reports we provide here at TrumpTV. We are the best. Of course, we have to be the best. DJTJ banned all the others. And now let’s hear analysis about today’s events from our panel of experts. On my right is the exalted widow of The Great White Father, Melania Trump. Next to her is the woman most recently chosen by TrumpTV as the one in the world who best combines beauty and brains, Ivanka Trump. She, of course, was the only candidate. And, finally, next to Ivanka is TrumpTV’s Senior Foreign Policy Consultant, Russian President, Vladimir Putin. We’ll start with you, Melania.

Melania: Oh, I agree with little Donnie. He’s so smart.

Barry: Wonderful analysis, Mrs. Trump. And, by the way, our viewers will all want to set their recording devices for next Trumpday – remember that used to be called, “Saturday” – because at  9:00 that night TrumpTV will present an original documentary called, “Melania’s Memories.” You will learn from Melania herself what a blessing it was to be married to the Great White Father; how she felt after his unfortunate death from what we all believe was poisoning by George Soros; and how she only divorced him because she did not feel worthy of his love. For now, though, let’s get Ivanka’s thoughts about today.

Ivanka: I agree with Melania.

Barry: Thank you Ivanka for your searing insight. No wonder you have done so well as the country’s first Secretary of Fashion. Maybe you can tell our viewers about how well the Department of Fashion is doing.

Melania: Oh, Barry, thanks for asking. We just were able to force Congress to eliminate the Department of Housing and Urban Development and send all of their money to me . . . uh, I mean to my Department. After all, what good is having a house to live in if you aren’t  well dressed?

Barry: So true, Ivanka. So, so true. And so well said. And finally, what do you want to tell us, President Putin?

Putin: (with an obvious smirk) I don’t have anything to add, Barry. I am just so pleased to see what America has become. 

Barry: Well, we hope you have enjoyed and appreciated our coverage of this historic event. As always, we end our broadcast with the new American oath:

            Once we were confused and lost

            We could not believe how much gas cost

            So ,we turned against the governing humps

            And turned our country over to the Trumps

Barry: Good night, everyone and let’s hope we have a tomorrow.

.