TRUTH

So, you’re worried about how Facebook and Twitter are starting fires in our national consciousness, huh? Well, replace the batteries in your smoke detectors boys and girls because here comes TRUTH Social.

TRUTH Social is the new media platform proposed by a man who wouldn’t know TRUTH if it slapped him in his orange face. Yes, it is Donald J. Trump who is planning to launch this new social media juggernaut. There will be a beta test next month. This is supposed to be followed by a full rollout during the first quarter of next year and, after that, a video-on-demand service called, “TMTG+.” That service will have entertainment, news and podcasts offered on a subscription basis. Can you control yourself until that happens? Are you on pins and needles? I am. And I mean that in a literal sense – if this shit ever actually appears on my screens, I will be plunging pins and needles into my eyes.

Of course, we are talking here about the most blow-hardy blowhard in blowhard history. This project of his may have as much of a chance of success as Trump Airlines and Trump Wine and Trump Steaks. However, it is well past time to minimize the chances of this clown being able to do anything.  As hard as it is to believe, even after it actually happened, Donald Trump was once the President of the United States.

And if it happens, can you imagine what the programs TRUTH Social will offer?  Obviously, the man himself will constantly be plastered over the airwaves (or whatever it is that this media travels over). All of his rallies and speeches will be a given.  I would also expect his version of The Golf Channel that will show Donald playing on his various courses – edited to portray his best mulligans as his original shot. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if TRUMP Social also includes these programs:

Cooking with Melania. On this show, Melania Trump will demonstrate how she prepares meals for her loving hubby (although she and Donald are never seen together). In the opening episode, Melania will be given a tour of a kitchen during which it will be explained to her what an oven does. In others, Melania will be shown making sure that the family chefs burn her husband’s steaks in an effort to render them inedible if not dangerous. And, in even others, Melania will be firing wait staff at different Trump properties for having the gall to serve her a cup of coffee that is not at the temperature she prefers.

Trump Jeopardy. This show will, as the name implies, be very much like the famous existing quiz. However, all categories will relate to something Trump. For example, in the first show, the categories will include: “The Russia Investigation Hoax”; “The Names of Trump’s Wives“; “Trump’s Hottest Girlfriends”; and “Trump Hair Color.”  While, like the original show, all answers must be in the form of a question, one rule will be different. No matter what the actual right answer is, if the contestant answers with the phrase, “Trump is God,” that will be considered as correct.

All In My Family. This will be a combination of “The Apprentice” and “Shark Tank”. Contestants will offer reasons why they should have their companies absorbed beneath the Trump family umbrella. The conceit of the show will be that no one will win if they ask for any money to be paid to them. The only winners will be those who agree to pay Trump to allow them to relinquish their company to him. 

The Jeffersons. Donald himself will star in this show. However, he will wear a Thomas Jefferson costume. As such, he will advise the country that only Donald Trump can accomplish the goals of the Declaration of Independence. Originally, it was intended that Donald, in costume, was supposed to open the show with a dramatic reading of the Declaration. This idea was abandoned when it became clear that Donald could not read well enough to do that.

My expectations of these shows may not turn out to be accurate. But that’s ok because not much that Trump has ever said has turned out to be accurate. So, apparently, inaccuracy is now our country’s standard for what constitutes TRUTH.