Offensive

In sports, the question of which team is offensive is clear. It’s the one with the ball. But, in the rest of life, the definition blurs.

What is offensive to you? Are you offended by racism? By profanity? By Ted Cruz?

The question of what is offensive to us is in the news lately. Not as such, but as buried beneath the surface questions we are asking. For example, there is the question of how Governor Andrew Cuomo uses his lips and hands. His use of those body parts has so offended at least 18 women that the Governor is now facing potential removal from office.

Don’t get me wrong. It is obvious that no one should be allowed to engage in unwanted and offensive sexual behavior, whether on women or, for that matter, on men. That should be the standard on which to judge people like the Governor of New York. The trouble is that this standard is too facile.  What is offensive to some, is not offensive to others.  It’s kind of like pornography. The best the Supreme Court could do in defining that was to say that it offended contemporary community standards, whatever that means.  Justice Potter Stewart recognized the inherent ambiguity of that definition but only added to it.  He famously said, “I know it when I see it.”

So, let’s see what the charges against the Governor allege.  Some, if not most, are clearly over the line under any reasonable standard.  Without consent, men cannot be allowed to grope at women’s breasts or other private parts. (Aside: with consent, it should be encouraged). But there are other allegations that bring the bar for “offensive” way down.

One woman’s complaint is that Cuomo instructed her to act like a “sponge” to soak up knowledge and then proceeded to call her “sponge”. She found this “embarrassing, condescending and demeaning.” He also allegedly commented on her appearance by saying that one outfit made her look like a “lumberjack.” Really?  Is that now so “offensive” that it should cause the removal of a Governor?

Another worker says that the Governor addressed her almost exclusively as “sweetheart” or “darling”; that he occasionally kissed her on the cheek and hand; that he touched and held her hands; that he slid his arm around her waist; that he commented on how she looked “lovely”; and that he asked if she had a boyfriend. Actionably offensive?

Another woman, a doctor, claims that, while rehearsing for a Covid press conference, she was supposed to give Cuomo a Covid test.  He asked her not to put the swab up his nose “so deep that you hit my brain.” The doctor answered that she would be “gentle but accurate” to which the Governor replied, “I’ve heard that before.” Then, during the press conference, Cuomo said “Nice to see you doctor – you make that gown look good.” Those exchanges, as far as the doctor was concerned, were horribly offensive. 

Now, I expect that not everyone will agree with my view here. We live in a culture of #Metoo where we have been rightly made aware of the despicable activities of sexual predators who think they can get away with it because they hold high positions and wear expensive clothes that they can’t wait to take off. That does not mean, however, that every allegation of harassment that is called “offensive” should really be considered offensive. How sensitive must we assume others to be? Are we no longer able to touch another’s hand? Put an arm around a waist? Heaven forbid we should kiss a cheek!

And what does all this do to the essential movement for women’s rights? When women are offended by conduct that involves so little, that just gives the antediluvian troglodytes among us the ability to say, “See. Women are still just dainty little flowers with tissue-thin sensibilities. They aren’t tough enough to be treated the same as men.”

Maybe I’m just old and too used to the ways things were. But I don’t think it’s that. Instead, I think it’s that lately we are just too easily offended. There are too many words that we can’t use; too many views that we can’t express; and in Governor Cuomo’s case, too many hands he can’t even hold.

You may disagree with this, but please don’t take offense.