The Mea Culpa Cha-Cha

A couple of the prime architects of the Trump Travesty have recently tried to make amends. Of course, they have said nothing that remotely sounds like an apology. Instead, their mea culpas try to paint themselves as people who eventually came around and stood tall against their Dear Leader’s demands. Their protestations fall hollow.

Take that bastion of integrity, Bill Barr. This is the man whose deceit in the service of his master included: total distortion of the Mueller Report, followed by the initiation of an investigation into the Mueller investigation itself; the authorization of an investigation into baseless claims of election fraud; the dismissal of the Michael Flynn conviction; and, well, you know the rest. Now, this man attempts to cleanse himself by claiming that, after being willing to conduct those baseless election fraud investigations, he actually had the gumption to tell Trump that there was nothing there. 

Gandhi move over! Bill Barr must now be the symbol of speaking truth to power!

And then there is our former Vice-President, Michael “Let Me Stand Back And Adore You” Pence. During the term of the Orange President, Mr. Pence wasn’t even as creative as a LIMU Emu commercial.  But now this brainless sponge has the “guts” to say that he and His Royal Trumpness do not see eye to eye about January 6. Of course, they don’t see eye to eye.  How could they when Pence is always on his knees?

What if others throughout history tried to do what Barr and Pence are doing? What if they desperately tried to throw their drowning reputations a lifeline with worthless, empty rationalizations? Let’s see what that might have sounded like.

Benedict Arnold: “George had those wooden teeth. They clicked so much that I misunderstood what he said.”

Heinrich Himmler: “Yeah, but some of my best friends are Jewish.”

Ivan the Terrible: “So, I had this name. What was I supposed to be? Saintly?”

Lee Harvey Oswald: “I’m not that good a shot. That Zapruder guy with the camera was such a pain always taking pictures of everything. I was aiming at him.”

David Duke: “It was only because I always thought I looked good in white.”

Bernie Madoff: “I was just never any good at math.”

I can’t wait to hear what Stephen Miller’s excuse is.