Justice Clarence Thomas tells us that his receipt of extremely expensive gifts from his Nazi memorabilia collecting friend is perfectly permissible because someone told him that it was. He hasn’t yet told us who that ethics advisor is. But we won’t wait for Clarence to disclose that. Clarence isn’t usually all that comfortable with disclosure.
So, after a great deal of digging, this blog has been able to identify the person who gave Justice Clarence Thomas that unassailable guidance on decency. We met him in the basement of a sex toy shop that is owned, oddly, in the name of what appears to be a man named, “Thomas Ginny.” The person we found said that he didn’t want us to use his real name. He asked us, instead, to call him, “Roger Stone.” [NOTE: He also looked a lot like Roger Stone]. He did agree, however, to answer a few questions.
Blog: So, let’s get right to it. When did you give advice to Justice Thomas about who he can take gifts from?
Stone: Oh, I’ve been advising Clarence for a long time. It goes back to before he was even a Judge.
Blog: Oh, really? How far back?
Stone: Well, he was often a customer at the store here. He never bought any of the ordinary toys. We had to make his as a special order. All he bought were Coke cans with pubic hair on them. Kinda’ weird, but I’m used to weird. Anyway, we sorta’ started up a friendship and sometimes he would ask me for my opinion about stuff. Yeah, I was the one who told him that there were more than enough blacks who were Democrats. I advised him to become a Republican – better job chances. Sure enough it worked. So, after that, Clarence wouldn’t decide to take a shit without asking me first.
Blog: O.K. So, tell me about the advice concerning gifts.
Stone: That was an easy one. He’s asked me harder questions before that. Hell, there was the time he wanted to know how to pay off the women who had claimed that he’d harassed them.
Blog: I’m guessing you were pretty good at that.
Stone: Oh, that’s the other Roger Stone (with a smirk and a wink). But your assumption is correct. The only one I couldn’t reach was someone with a name like, “Hill.”
Blog: Anita Hill?
Stone: No. Now I remember. “The Purity Hill School For Girls.” Clarence was addicted to that place.
Blog: But let’s get back to the question about gifts to a Supreme Court Justice. What did you tell him about that?
Stone: I recall he asked me whether he should be allowed to take millions of dollars of free vacation in the private resorts of one of the Republicans biggest donors. I just told him the obvious. Of course, if I wanted to give him the right answer, the obvious was to stay away from this guy at all costs. And that was without him even telling me that his friend was big on Nazis. But that was only one right answer. There are always many right answers. I gave him the other obvious answer. So, I reminded him that he, one of the highest judges in the land with his government experience, and his Yale law degree, is making the same salary as a Wall Street first year associate. And further, that those Wall Street first year associates were making enough to allow them to galivant around the City and gloriously taste the best flavors of the Big Apple. Then I asked him, what flavors do you taste? The best you get since that you took this job is to imagine what Sotomayor might look like under her robe. How unfair is that?
Blog: That’s quite some advice.
Stone: Oh, it goes on. I told him, look at all the people with nothing who keep asking you to give them what they think their rights afford them. And they want you to give that to them while you need to wallow in your mere top 10% of all American salaries. And what do those down- trodden pleaders do? Just complain. Then I asked him, “doesn’t that make you angry?” Well, it certainly did piss him off. Like a lot. I didn’t even have to go any further. He knew what he had to do. So, from that time on, he has continued to reduce the rights of the downtrodden and increase his own.
Blog: And you think that is the best advice?
Stone: It is for me. I’m on an annual retainer.
We were right 