If there is one place in this country that best exemplifies what the United States has become, it is Florida – that peninsula of land that Ponce de Leon so mistakenly thought was the location of the fountain of youth. How way off the mark could Ponce have been?
Florida is a place to which continually move regardless of how many obstacles Florida, itself, puts in their way. Why do they do that? Let’s look at Florida’s repellant aspects and compare those to its temptations.
Why is Florida repellant?
First, Florida offers you the ability to lay in dirt. The dirt, of course is what they are very careful to call, “sand.” Florida can’t call it dirt because, in keeping with the state’s inherent nature, dirt is black, and sand is white.
And what do you do in the dirt? You just lie there. If you’re lucky you may be able to make small, meaningless conversation with people about things you hope you never think about again. And most of those conversations are inaudible because of all the screaming by the kids running around you and whose wet bodies occasionally spray you with unwanted liquid and more dirt. And then all of that dirt has to be completely washed off but seldom is and gets into your underwear and then sometimes into your food. And by lying there and getting filthy, you are exposed to the sun – a star that Floridians (“The Sunshine State”) for some reason are so proud of. They must be ignorant of the fact that the sun also shines everywhere else. And that sun will be baking your skin until, at best, you will need lotion to stop the burning, and, at worst, you will get skin cancer and you may soon die. And, in Florida, the fact that you may soon die makes you just like everybody else.
Florida is the place that has a Governor who is a form of protoplasm who is trying to out-lie, out-amoral and out-charlatan Orange Julius, the master of those arts. If he succeeds, then he will subject the country to a Presidency that will even out-asinine that master. This Governor proposes a “Freedom Budget” that, among other inanities, prevents women from exercising their reproductive freedom. This Governor also calls himself the “Education Governor”, while among other absurdities, has banned more than 40% of the state’s math books (yes, math books) for being too “woke.” And Florida is the place where this Governor is popular.
Florida is the place where others have chosen to live – others like snakes, alligators, mosquitoes, sharks, and even some black bears. And that’s just the animals. Florida is also the place where they have hurricanes. Those hurricanes have destroyed over $450 billion in property since the early 20th century and have filled the cemeteries with over 10,000 Floridians.
OK, so that’s what makes Florida repellant. What makes living there so tempting?
Low taxes.
We were right 
Lower taxes? No income tax? How do they do it? By banking on the suckered stupidity of Yankees that spend boo-koo bucks on their crappy winter “homes” just to bake their leather-skinned bodies into islands of melanoma, all because, yikes, the temperature at home might dip below freezing. Real reason? To brag just how “well-off” these parasites are to show up the neighbors they left behind (to take care of their house while they’re gone). DeSantis is really just a “da-sanitary” napkin (send this moniker to T…p), no more valuable than the debris of undesired conception.
Yet, shit-fire, get a hurricane or two, and Jesus Christ, “where is the Federal Government when you need them? Bail us out, we’re too important to be left alone in our time of need. Otherwise, eat shit and die. Leave your brown-skinned, your queers, your transies, your women who don’t know ‘their place’ out of our attempt to transform Florida into the whitest, most bigoted, most intolerant piece-of-shit dick-shaped land mass in the history of mankind”.
Oh, yeah, it’s the taxes.
(P.S. Enjoy Disney World, after you take a second mortgage on your house to get the f…k in.)
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Couldn’t have said it better myself (and didn’t).
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