The following is an Indictment issued by my office against Donald J. Trump. After many months of deliberation, the Grand Jury has decided that a description of the incidents of contemptible conduct engaged in by Mr. Trump throughout his wicked life could not possibly be fit into any specific statute or series of statutes. With this Indictment, I recommend to the Legislature that in this case, and this case only, it makes it a crime to be AN INCALCULABLY GAPING ASSHOLE!
The Grand Jury charges:
At all times relevant (meaning every breathing minute since his birth):
1. Donald J. Trump has sucked.
2. Donald J. Trump has repeatedly and consistently treated human beings as if, compared to him, they are inferior life-forms, to wit: he has failed to compensate people from whom he has obtained valuable services, including a couple of hookers; he is willing to incarcerate, starve, beat and otherwise inflict pain on persons, including small children, for having the gall to enter our country for a new way of life, one that Mr. Trump, himself, exalts as the best on Earth; he destroys his “friends” whenever it becomes necessary to save his own worthless skin; and (d) a whole lot of other shit that is too numerous to mention.
3. Donald J. Trump did instigate an attempt to overthrow the election of (coincidentally) his opponent prior to and on January 6, 2021, by continuously lying, “Stop the Steal” when he well knew that there was no steal. Lying is bad if by any ordinary person, but for this clown, who lies more times than he breathes, I am embarrassed to charge him for just this one lie. But, after all, it did trigger an insurrection. Anyway, if this charge doesn’t work, there is a whole lot of other shit he did.
4. Donald J. Trump has so putrefied the government process in this country that when he, as an ex-President, now makes unsupported, unprecedented, untrue, and dangerous claims about how corrupt our country is, it doesn’t even make the news.
5. Donald J. Trump has the potential, given his vile temperament and godlike goals, to ruin our country even more than he already has: by continuing to bamboozle a horrifyingly large number of Americans into following him; by becoming even more solipsistic and dangerous as he absorbs undeserved glory from the worship he gets from Americans that he deliberately misguided; and by a whole lot of other shit he did that sounds so bizarre that even though we lived through it, we still can’t believe it.
6. A whole lot of other shit.
_______________________________________
Alvin Bragg
We were right 
GUILTY on all counts!
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Bev- Please move to one of the venues where he may be tried so you can be on the jury.
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