No Matter What He Does

The Orange Menace is creeping up on us again. Well, not exactly “creeping”, he is attacking. If the word, “creep” is at all appropriate when applied to Stubby Fingers, it should be used as the root of the adjective, “creepy.” Nevertheless, he’s not only back with a vengeance, he’s also seeking it. 

There apparently is no way to get rid of this guy. He is a cockroach in human form – both repugnant and impossible to destroy. Just look at what’s going on in the 2024 Presidential entertainment.

There are three possibilities: (1) he gets the nomination, runs and wins; (2) he gets the nomination, runs and loses; and (3) he doesn’t get the nomination. Every one of those possibilities hurts America.

First, if the Trumpster is the Republican candidate, then he obviously might actually become President again. Need anyone explain the tragic consequences of that possibility? I can only compare it to if Benjamin Netanyahu ever became Prime Minister of Israel again. Oh, wait a minute . . .

Second, what if the Insurrectionist-In-Waiting is the Presidential candidate but loses? Do you think he will just sit back and accept his fate as if he were an actual human being? If you do, then you must have the judgment of someone who is planning to spend their next vacation in Ukraine. If Dangerous Donald should ever lose the 2024 election, he will make the “big lie” seem like a fib, and the January 6 travesty look like a 3H Club meeting.

Third, what if he is not the candidate? What if some other Republican emerges from the slightly less screwball set and runs instead? As many say, this could be a terrible prospect for the Democrats because Donald the Deceiver, they think, gives the Democrats their best chance of winning. Him we could beat. That may indeed be true. But there is another unfortunate consequence that comes from the victory of a not-Trump Republican. Why wouldn’t their victorious tactic against the “Red Faced Racist” in the primaries also be their most effective to use against Biden?

And what is that tactic? The anti-Trump GOP is not attacking Trump because he’s a liar. Nor are they attacking him because he led a revolt against the democratic process. And they aren’t even attacking him because he’s a racist.  None of that stuff matters to them. Instead, they think they can beat him because he is old. He can’t be President because he’s an old liar and insurrectionist and racist.

Leading opponents like Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley are singing that very song. DeSantis is presenting himself as the new and improved Trump, the younger heir to the mantle as Leader of the Loonies. 

Haley proclaims that she is the face of a “new generation” of Republicans. God save us from that face. 

And as I was typing this, I heard a TV interview with Governor Chris Sununu of New Hampshire. He is mentioned as a possible pretender to the Trumpian Thrown. Sununu is the son of John Sununu who was a previous New Hampshire Governor, Member of Congress, and “W”’s Chief of Staff. And Chris’s brother didn’t exactly become a street bum. He once served as a United States Senator. Pretty “old guard establishment” it would seem. However, the Governor’s interviewer happened to preface one of his questions with, “Governor, you are the old guard . . .” Well, as far as the Governor was concerned that was the equivalent of calling him gay. “No, no, no,” he repeated. “I am not the old guard.” That venomous word – “old”. That could not go unchallenged.

By the way, my editor advises me that this old-age pitch is another example of Republican bullshit. Neither Trump nor Biden are in age brackets where senility is typically around the corner. The average onset in the U.S. is 84 and that’s just the average. There are over 500,000 people in the world over 100, including my editor’s father. And I have to believe my editor because she sleeps with me.

But, for other reasons it does make sense for the Republicans to make the “too old” pitch. They can’t raise their challenges to Don, Jr.’s Dad based on the transparency of his tyrannical aspirations. That would alienate all of the misguided patriots whose votes they need. By focusing on age, they avoid that problem and steer the focus into an irrefutable area (or, at least, less refutable than others). Trump could, of course, lie about his age. Such a falsehood would come trippingly off his tongue as does everything else he says. But, as cynical as I am, I have to lean toward the possibility that even the sponge-minded would have trouble with that one.

So, here’s the thing. If the “old age” tactic proves effective against Trump in the primaries, it may very well do the same in the General. And, of course, the Republican opponent in the General seems like it will be a Democrat who has more rings around his trunk than even Trump.

So, no matter where Orange Julius goes and no matter what he does, he can’t help but do damage to the country. If we were all dogs, Orange Julius would be a Hershey bar.