The issue that the January 6 Committee is trying to answer is whether The Orange Menace knew that The Big Lie was a big lie when he was urging his supporters to believe it. If so, this means that he committed fraud. At some point, The Tinged Tyrant may even be brought to trial on this accusation. Here is what I anticipate that defense counsel at that trial will say in summation.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury. Thank you for sitting through this proceeding and paying such careful attention to the evidence. What you have heard must compel you to find President Trump not guilty on all charges. Here’s why.
To say that the President is guilty of fraud, the Judge will tell you that you need to find that he knew that the crazy shit he was saying was, in fact, crazy. But, to the contrary, the evidence we have presented clearly demonstrates that Mr. Trump believed that what he was saying was, in fact, true.
The thing is – the man’s an imbecile. Remember the litany of previous lunacy that this clown had also believed. The Big Lie is nothing compared to this other rubbish.
Let’s go over the record.
We’re talking here about a man who stared into the sun without glasses during a solar eclipse. Dumb? This list is just getting started.
This is the guy who repeatedly told people, including the military, that stealth fighter jets – the ones called “stealth” because they cannot be seen on radar – are actually called “stealth” because they cannot be seen by the human eye. The guy believes in invisible planes.
How about when he met with people affected by mass shootings and had to have a note to remind himself to say, “I hear you.”
How simple is this man? He’s the one who said, “nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.”
Does he have a cultivated mind? He once tweeted that he had met with the Prince of Whales. It’s very possible he thought that Charles was the one who maintained the Royal Aquarium.
This man seriously wondered if we could stop hurricanes by dropping nuclear bombs into them. Seriously. He actually did.
And, of course, the defendant here famously suggested that we eliminate Covid-19 by drinking bleach. He’s an ignoramus. He could believe anything.
Need I go on? I can’t help myself. There is so much proof of his stupidity.
Let’s talk hurricanes. He seems to be particularly witless when it comes to these storms. Remember when he said that a hurricane was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water?” We showed you the famous map when he took a Sharpee and re-drew where the hurricane would hit just so his wrong prediction could be shown as right. But even better was when he thought we could destroy hurricanes by dropping atomic bombs into them. This is a man who never knows what he is talking about.
And I’ll leave you with this one. The one that should clinch it for you. When he said that during the American revolution, our forces “took over the airports.”
Use your common sense, folks – the sense that this defendant lacks. I ask you – how can you possibly find beyond a reasonable doubt that this blockhead knew he was lying about the constitutional electoral process? In fact, how can you find beyond a reasonable doubt that this buffoon knew anything?
Finally, when you now go back into your jury room, and you perform your solemn act of citizenship by deliberating over this case, take a look occasionally at the coffee machine in the corner. You’ll be reminded that the name of the drink is “coffee,” not, “covfefe,” like the numbskull thinks, and you will be similarly reminded that this oafish dolt must be found not guilty.
We were right 