Dear Mr. Barr

Dear Mr. Barr: 

I haven’t missed any of your various appearances on the media as you promote your new book. I simply can’t get enough of you. Your descriptions of the wonderful things you did as Attorney General are so compelling. Your explanations of why everything you did was so perfect makes my heart tingle. What a public servant you were! 

For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would criticize you.  Some call you unethical. Some even call you criminal. How is this possible? Just consider some of the magnificent things you did.

 Things like: 

• How you totally distorted the contents of the Mueller Report to make it sound like it had exonerated your boss. We should all be so grateful for how this gave your boss the ability to continue to lie about his conduct and escape impeachment if not indictment.  What a public servant!

• How you tried to prevent the whistleblower claim about your boss’s criminal Ukraine phone call from being reported by bullying your Inspector General. Unfortunately, you weren’t successful at that, but it was your aim to make sure that the truth wouldn’t come out. What a public servant!

• How you took care of your boss’s buddy, Roger Stone. After public objection from your boss to the recommendation by your line prosecutors, the ones who knew the case best, how you then pressured those prosecutors to give Roger a much lighter sentence. When those prosecutors stood on their integrity and refused, you just did it anyway, over their objection. What a public servant!

• How you took care of your boss’s other buddy, Michael Flynn. This one was genius. After Flynn had pled guilty to falsely testifying to you, you asked the court to dismiss those charges against him. Who else could have even thought of such a thing! And to top it off, you based this request, as explained by journalist, David R. Lurie, on “mendacious accounts of the facts . . . as well as patently wrong accounts of the applicable law that were inconsistent with the DOJ’s own long-standing positions.” So, in order to get your boss’s buddy out from under for lying to you, you lied to the Court. Are you the GOAT of irony or what? What a public servant!

• How you were key in spreading “The Big Lie” that the 2020 election was fraudulent. For example, while you were the AG, you said on CNN “We indicted someone in Texas. Seventeen hundred ballots collected from people who could vote, he made them out and voted for the person he wanted to.” The beauty of that is that none of it was true. Literally, none of it! Actually, the person was indicted by the state, not by you, and, more brilliantly, the charges involved a single ballot, not 1700 of them. When you make shit up, you go all the way. What a public servant!

• How you remained silent during your term in the face of your obvious knowledge of the singularly scandalous character of the man you worked for. Why would the people of the country need to know that? Thank you so much for keeping it to yourself. What a public servant!

Of course, I could go on and on. Virtually every day you were in office you did something that no other Attorney General would have even considered doing. You are one of a kind, sir. At least, I hope so.