Donnie and Bibi Associates

I can imagine soon seeing this ad on-line:

Do you have no principles? Are you a person who cannot even pronounce the word, “ethics?” As far as you’re concerned are “morals” only the things at the end of a fable? 

If you answered, “yes” to some of these questions, you’re not for us.  On the other hand, if you answered, “yes” to all of these questions, you were born to receive our services.

Donnie and Bibi Associates is the new consulting firm opened, of course, by your favorite former autocratic would-be monarchs, Donnie Trump and Bibi Netanyahu. No two other people in recent history have grabbed control of a seemingly free country with such self-evident corrupt motivations and have maintained that control in the face of transparent repugnance.

How did they do it? Wouldn’t you like to know? Wouldn’t you like to learn how to use their methods to take control of your country. In the Donnie and Bibi 24-part course entitled, “Governing the Gullible” they will show you how easily it is to get that done. (NOTE: THE SOCIALIST AMERICAN GOVERNMENT HAS REQUIRED US TO DISCLOSE THAT THERE ARE REALLY ONLY 4 PARTS TO THE COURSE. WE SAID THERE WERE 24. SO, SUE US!)  

Here are some of the areas that will be covered:

1. Fear Is Your Friend. Learn how to force people to understand that unless they support you, something terrible will happen.  Don’t just make it somewhat terrible.  Make it the most terrible thing imaginable.  This may vary depending on the audience. Donnie, for example, will lecture on “Fear of Color.” He will explain how easily it is to make people of color appear to be the enemy.  He will illustrate the best words to use. For example, when people of color walk together as immigrants, they must be described as “caravans.” On the other hand, if they are walking together in a protest, they are “mobs.”  And Bibi will describe the value of creating a problem that only you can resolve. Listen as Bibi tells you how to oppress a people and then label them as the enemy when they protest against their oppression. It’s pure genius.

• Fear Not The Law.  In this section, the lectures will focus on how easy it is to avoid legal consequences for your actions. Donnie will explain the assertion of privilege, a legal concept that could not be more aptly named. Bibi will take you through the years and years of his avoidance of criminal prosecution. Both will provide examples of how by being able to blatantly break the law gives you the tools for autocracy only dreamed of by real dictators. (NOTE: THE SOCIALIST UNITED STATES JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HAS REQUIRED US TO DISCLOSE THAT CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS ARE ONGOING. SO WHAT? IN DONNIE AND BIBI’S LIVES, CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS ARE ALWAYS ONGOING.)

• Truth Is What You Tell Them. This may be the most important lecture of all. You will be told how there is nothing more constricting than honesty. Only weaklings feel required to stick to the facts. No one wants to be led by someone without any creativity. Make it up. If you need to accuse another country of being on the verge of attacking you, don’t wait until it happens. Don’t even wait until there is any possibility that it might happen. Tell the people that it did happen. Some of the media will try to contradict you. But fuck them.  Another lecture will explain how to undermine everything that the media says. (NOTE: THE CAPITALIST FOX NEWS HAS REQUIRED US TO DISCLOSE THAT EVERYTHING WE’VE SAID HERE IS EXACTLY RIGHT.)

So, get your money in TODAY. You won’t be disappointed. (NOTE: EVERYONE WITH A WORKING CEREBELLUM HAS REQUIRED US TO DISCLOSE THAT YOU CERTAINLY WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.)