Genesis – The Trump Version

In the beginning, I created the heaven and the earth

And our country, like the military under the Democrats, was without form and void

And the dark people, I mean, the “darkness”, was upon the face of the nation

And I said, “let there be crowds,” and there were crowds, the largest crowds ever at an inauguration. And I saw the crowds, even though nobody else did. And I made others say that the crowds were good. And I called the crowds, “incredible.” And there was evening and there was morning for my mendacity.

And I said, “let me keep the riches that I exaggerate and then, by my new position, let me increase my riches even further. And I kept my hotels and my golf courses, and I raked in the shekels. And there was evening and there was morning for my mendacity.

And I said,”let there be marchers with Nazi chants and violent intentions” and there were such marchers. And they drove their chariots into those who oppose me and destroyed my enemies. And  there was evening and there was morning for my mendacity.

And I said, “let no one investigate me” for there is lots of shit they could find. And I made sure that my history would be without form and void, and I wiped clean the Comeys and the Inspectors General. And I was then able to sleep comfortably when there was evening and there was morning for my mendacity.

And I said, “I will refuse to give our friends the weapons that they need to repel their enemies unless they lie about my opponents” and some asshole caught me doing that, so I gathered my disciples to make sure justice was not done. And there was evening and there was morning for my mendacity.

And, the plague attacked our nation. And, I said, “The Chinese did it” and “Who cares? It will go away soon.” And I said, “Don’t listen to the scientists. Listen to me.” And, by listening to me there are almost 6 million cases and 181 thousand deaths. But, the dead ones can’t vote and the sick ones can’t get to the polls and can’t vote by mail because I have undermined that, too. So, I will sleep comfortably in the White House after the election in the evening and the morning because of my mendacity.

And so I saw all that I had made and it was very good. And there was no reason to worry about my lies, or my conflicts of interest, or my corruption, or my racism, or my selfish foreign policies, or the Covid deaths. So, I rested. I played golf.