A Real Bull Session

The Democratic Party Convention this week included a kind of bull session among those candidates for the nomination who lost to Biden. Intended to demonstrate the unity of the Party, it was, well, entertaining. 

Next week is the Republican’s turn.  They don’t have losing candidates because no one in their mob had the gonads (or the ovaries) to take on their Don.  What they do have, though, is a group of very special people whose working relationships to our Dear Leader has landed them in a very special status – they all have criminal records. 

So, I wonder what it might be like if the Republicans bring all of them together for a real BULL session. Trump could certainly arrange for it. After all, he will likely pardon them soon anyway. Maybe . . . . .

Paul Manafort: Let me first thank all you guys for participating in this.

Roger Stone: Hell, Paul. We’ve participated in a lot worse.

[LAUGHTER]

Paul Manafort: Let me go around the room and ask each of you for your favorite memory of Donald.

Michael Cohen: Oh, I have a great one. I remember the time we were together at one of the Miss Universe fuck-fests. Donald gave me all the ones he didn’t want, you know, the black ones. It was great. I actually wrote a song called, “Go Low Miss Togo.” Want to hear it?

Paul Manafort: I don’t think we have time. How about you, Rick Gates. You remember the good times we had when we were partners in that lobbying firm?

Rick Gates: I remember all right. I remember you, Paul, you son-of-a-bitch, lying to me about what I was doing. Telling me all was good when it wasn’t.  I went to prison because of you, you asshole. Your ruined my life, you asshole. My . . . . .

Paul Manafort: Well that’s enough, Rick. Now, let’s hear from Chris Collins. Chris, you were the first member of Congress to support Donald. What gave you such foresight?

Chris Collins: Well, of course, I thought that a phony business titan like Mr. Trump would be able to make the stock market explode. At the same time, I had these fraudulent securities that I wanted to sell, so it seemed to me that he and I were a perfect match. Got caught, though. My luck. My case was too early in Donald’s term.  If it came up now, he would have fired the US Attorney who was after me. I’m still with you, Donny Boy!  (A PHONY SNEEZE) Pardon me.

Paul Manafort: Fascinating, Chris. Now, it’s the other Mike’s turn – Michael Flynn. What do you want to say?

Michael Flynn: I plead the fifth, Paul.  I refer all questions to my lawyer, our great Attorney General, Bill Barr.

Bill Barr: Thanks, Paul. Michael would love to answer your questions, but, you know, he is in the middle of his battle with the Deep State. I’ve been trying to get him off, but these fucking Judges just keep following the law. Once Dunham finishes his Salem Witch Trial investigation into the Russia Hoax, I’ll sic him on those Judges. Then, my client will tell all, or, at least, all Donald allows him to.

Paul Manafort: Terrific. Next, the man our enemies liken to one part of a horse, but we know is our clotheshorse, Roger Stone.

Roger Stone: I remember the first time I met the Great Donald Trump. He came to me basically on his knees pleading with me that I teach him how to promote himself. How did I do? 

Paul Manafort: Well, Roger, no question. You hit a home run. What did you tell him?

Roger Stone: I told him to lie his ass off, just like I just did.

[LAUGHTER]

Paul Manafort: And, finally, our most recent club member, Steve Bannon, the only man who can compete with Roger Stone for alternative facts, but who stands at opposite ends of the universe in clothing style.

Steve Bannon: Thanks to all of you. So thankful to be among this exalted group. While I’m here, though, let me take this opportunity to offer you a chance to personally solidify your relationship with the man we all worship and the one who led us here – our President.  He wants nothing more than to build that wall.  I know how you can guarantee that his dream comes true. Give me the money. My organization, “We Build The Wall,” is gathering all the funds needed to erect this essential national security protection quicker than Donald gets erected in a whore house. I take checks. I take credit cards. And I especially take cash.

So, what do you think? Will we see that next week? No chance. Too bad, because the show we will see won’t be nearly as accurate.