January 21, 2021

In light of Trump the father and Trump the daughter hawking Goya Beans, imagine what commercials we might see if that family is given another term.  Maybe something like this:

(Fade in. Oval Office. President is sitting at the Resolute Desk. Ivanka is sitting next to him. – The President is wearing his usual Blue suit with an oversized red tie.  Ivanka is wearing a bikini.

President: My fellow Americans. This is my first opportunity to thank you for giving me the job that you believe God wanted me to have. You won’t believe what I will do now.  But, you better believe it, or . . .  well, let’s leave it at that. And here’s something else that you better believe. Here’s my incredibly gorgeous daughter – Ivanka.

Ivanka: (in a stage whisper reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to JFK)Thank you, Daddy. Oh, what a wonderful Daddy you are. (Blows him a kiss)

President: (blows a kiss back, with tongue)

Ivanka:Now, let me talk to you people, the people we rule. You have chosen us again to be your leaders. When I say, “us”, I mean, of course, the best parts of the Trump family, Not, obviously, my cousin Mary. In fact, there will be an exciting burning of Mary’s book on the Washington Mall. Check my Daddy’s Twitter account for the date, time and ticket price. 

President: And talk about exciting. Anyone buying a ticket to the book burning will be given a wonderful gift bag.  It will include T-shirts saying “Trump 2024,” “Only White Lives Matter,” and “Putin 2028”. Not only that, but, there will be a Presidential Pardon for any election fraud you committed to put me back in here.

Ivanka: Oh, that’s wonderful, Daddy. You are so wonderful. And, people, even if you don’t buy tickets for that event, there are any number of other things you can buy to show your appreciation for my Daddy.

President: Tell them, baby girl. Tell them.

Ivanka: For only $100,000, you can receive a picture of my Daddy and me laughing at a picture of Nancy Pelosi.  How great is that?

President: Unbelievable. But, keep going, gorgeous.

Ivanka: For $500,000, you can get my Daddy’s voice on your answering machine.  In the spirit of our family, he will say that you aren’t home even if you are home and that you are home even if you aren’t. 

President:  Perfect. What else, pretty darling?

Ivanka: O.K. For a million dollars, my father will do a commercial from the Oval Office for your business. We will even give you a discount if you buy a condo in one of our buildings.

President: What a deal that is. That guy who drew the dogs playing poker may be the world’s greatest artistic genius, but I am the genius of the Art of the Deal. And (looking longingly back at his daughter)honeybuns, what is the biggest offer?It better not be time with you. 

Ivanka: Oh, Daddy. It would never be that (they giggle together). No. For a hundred million dollars, my Daddy will give you whatever law you want.  If Congress doesn’t agree to pass it, he’ll just sign an Executive Order and if anyone challenges it, my handsome, virile Daddy will sue and make sure that his Supreme Court will say it’s OK.

President: Beautiful, beautiful.

Ivanka: And all of the money you donate will go to the cause you, and we, most want to benefit – Daddy, Jared, and me. Anybody else can fend for themselves.