How About A Trump Translator?

Blog – Trump Translator

Watching Carrot Top’s daily deceptions in his Caronavirus briefings, I remembered the Obama translator routine by the comic team of Kay and Peele. In it, one of them would portray President Obama saying something in that ultra-cool, calm way of his. The other would be standing behind translating the President’s words into furious, screeching tones that expressed what he really meant.

It dawned on me that we need Trump translators. Fortunately, during the Caronavirus briefings, we have them. Trump says something either ridiculous, or totally exaggerated or completely wrong, but then one of the experts steps in and “translates” – completely but diplomatically contradicting the President’s lies.

For example, on the day I write this, The Managing Moron said that a vaccine would be available very soon. Wrong. The experts stepped in and translated – no vaccine is on the immediate horizon. Undeterred and emotionally incapable of correcting himself, Trump then tried to harmonize what he said with what the experts said. He asserted that tests of the vaccine were going very well and that they show excellent indications. Wrong. The experts again translated that there is only one very early test in France involving only 20 people and that the results are “anecdotal.” Trump then trumped his drivel by claiming that he just “had a feeling” that the vaccine would work and that, after all, “he’s a smart guy.” No translator was necessary to straighten out the “smart guy” remark.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every day we could insert a translator next to the Bloviator-in-Chief. Here is what it might look like.

Trump: The economy is the best it’s ever been — we have never had an economy like this in history. 

Translator: (stepping up to the microphone) What the President really means is that our economy is ok, but no great shakes.  Even before the present collapse, a lot of poor people are still poor and rich people are getting richer. IN FACT, by just about any measure, Trump’s economy is not as good as it was under Eisenhower, Lyndon Johnson, Bill Clinton and even that economic genius, U.S. Grant. 

Trump: I call them “Do-Nothing Democrats.” They’re doing nothing.

Translator: (pushing Trump to the side and stepping up to the microphone) What the President really means to say is that the Congress as a whole is doing nothing.  That is not because of the Democrats. IN FACT, the Democratic House of Representatives has passed dozens of bills that have largely died in the Republican Senate.

Trump: Thanks to Democrat immigration policies, innocent Americans in all 50 states are being brutalized and murdered by illegal alien criminals.

Translator: (throwing Trump to the floor and stepping up to the microphone) What the President really means to say is that respected studies show that immigrants, including undocumented immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than are native-born Americans. IN FACT, a 2018 study showed that states with larger shares of undocumented immigrants tended to have lower crime rates than states with fewer undocumented immigrants. 

Well, you get the idea. 

Even if it is impossible for the translator to be physically present next to the Orange Menace, how about the networks running a banner underneath him. If journalists really want to report the facts, that would be the way to do it.