My Modest Proposal

In 1729, while Ireland was suffering through a horrible famine, Jonathan Swift wrote his famous satire, “A Modest Proposal.” In it, he suggested that the starving Irish could solve their problems by selling their children to rich people who could then eat them. Well, in the spirit of Jonathan Swift, I have my own modest proposal.

Anyone with half a brain (no, I take that back – anyone with any brain) is sick and tired of politicians who either won’t directly answer a question or just flat our lie (need I even offer up the name of the prime orange example?). Well, if people listen to what I say here, we may very soon have a way to avoid all of that.

Technology is expanding our capabilities by the day. The tools we now have, and take for granted, would have been unthinkable not too many years ago. Correspondingly, the tools we will have not too many years from now are, to many, similarly unthinkable. But, not to me. I propose that we can soon develop the Bell Uncovering Lying Liars, or “BULL.”

Here’s how it would work. Among the criteria for a person to qualify to run for office – any office – would be the inconspicuous and painless insertion of the BULL into that candidate’s body. The BULL would be programmed to identify anything said by that candidate that either does not directly answer a question or is untrue. If the question fails in either of those respects, the BULL would both ring and provide the candidate with an electric shock. The initial shocks would be mild, but they would progressively increase in intensity with each successive failure. If the candidate continues to fail, the shocks would become debilitating. The audience would not only hear the bell, but would see the candidate suffer. Ultimately, if the candidate kept it up, the shock would be fatal.

This may sound extreme, but, is it? Really? I don’t think so. Here’s my logic. (so to speak).

We revere our freedom. We want to maintain that freedom.  Our freedom depends on our informed electoral choices. We cannot be sufficiently informed if we are constantly being fed bullshit. Therefore, any method that prevents bullshit preserves our freedom and deserves a try. Anyone who feeds us bullshit is trying to take away our freedom and deserves to die.

So, that’s my modest proposal.  Jonathan Swift wanted children to be eaten. I only want lying politicians to be electrocuted. Modest, indeed.