December 31, 2020 – Associated Press
As we enter 2021, here is a list of the news highlights of 2020.
January 5 – On the eve of the Senate Impeachment trial, the Wall Street Journal publishes an expose of sexual harassment at the Supreme Court. Most explosive are the pictures of Chief Justice Roberts and Justice Thomas in leather thongs and chains tying up the clerks and and whipping them with copies of the Second Amendment.
January 7 – The Senate trial is postponed because of the resignations of both the Chief Justice and Justice Thomas. The next Senior Justice is Sonia Sotomayor, so she will preside.
February 1 – Melania Trump announces that she is filing for divorce. In addition to listing hundreds of her husband’s affairs and providing tapes of previously unknown conversations in which the President seeks advice from Charles Manson, she claims that Trump doodles little hearts with the words, “Donnie Loves Vladee” inside.
February 7 – The Impeachment trial begins with a bombshell. Justice Sotomayor grants the Democrats motion to call Melania Trump as a witness.
February 8 – As Mrs. Trump takes the stand, Justice Sotomayor reads a statement issued by the White House announcing Trump’s resignation. She dismisses the Impeachment as moot.
February 9 – As President Pence is sworn in, Trump leaves Washington. It is later disclosed that he has re-settled in Moscow.
April 10 – President Pence finds himself without his wife and alone in a room with Angela Merkel. He suffers a breakdown and has to be removed. He is carried away saying, “Mother! Mother! I am sorry! I am sorry! Take me home, Mother!”
May 3 – President Pence is declared incapacitated under the 25thAmendment. Nancy Pelosi, as next in line, takes over as President.
June 14 – The New York Yankees win their 51stgame in a row. They remain undefeated.
July 27 – All other Democratic candidates for the Presidential nomination withdraw and the Democratic Party Convention unanimously nominates Nancy Pelosi. They also nominate Lebron James for Vice-President.
August 3 – 6 – At the Republican Party Convention, no one shows up.
August 30 – The New York Yankees win their 120thgame in a row. They remain undefeated.
September 24 – Israel conducts his tenth election in the past year. To everyone’s surprise, the Pope is elected.
October 3 – All the New York Yankees are so busy with endorsements that they miss the last game of the season, forfeiting it for their only loss. They finish 161-1. The Commissioner cancels the Playoffs so that the other teams won’t be totally embarrassed and the Yankees are declared Champions.
November 3 – Nancy Pelosi is elected President. It is almost unanimous except that Michael Bloomberg voted for himself.
December 31 – Ivanka and Jared have not been seen since Trump’s resignation. It is disclosed that they both had plastic surgery and are now working as J-Lo and A-Rod impersonators.
We were right 
I’m not buying into any of that stuff about the Yankees … as for the rest, I’m okay.
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Actually, the Yankee stuff is the only part I’m sure of.
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