Some Suggested Articles of Impeachment

It is reported that the House is preparing Articles of Impeachment. It is unclear what will be included. I have some suggestions. I’m asking that it look like this:

                                    In The United States House of Representatives

Whereas, this body is empowered by the United States Constitution to render a determination that a President of the United States should be impeached; and

Whereas, to that great discredit of this country, Donald J. Trump was chosen to be and now serves as the President of the United States, and

Whereas, while serving as the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump made a fucking mess of everything; and

Whereas, it is impossible to list every monstrous act of malfeasance that he has now done; and

Whereas, his malfeasance in office has caused as much damage to the country as both the “Real Housewives” and “Jersey Shore” shows have done to the culture; and

Whereas, we are sure that even as we write these words, Trump is doing something else despicable to his ever-growing list of misbehavior thus rendering us unable to fully identify here every one of his transgressions;

Therefore, here are just a fraction of Trump’s abuses:

1. He treats the truth with as little regard as he treats women;

• He handles diplomacy even worse than he spells;

• He shows less respect for the government of the United States than he does for the despots and dictators in the rest of the world;

• His racist, misogynistic, bellicose, solipsism has infected the country with a disease that only his removal can cure;

• He’s just a giant douchebag; and

• Oh yeah, he did some terrible stuff in a phone call with Ukraine.

Wherefore, we, the United States House of Representatives do hereby declare that :

1. This cancer on the country must be excised before it spreads any further; and

• Any Senator who votes against these Articles should be themselves removed from their positions for treason, or, if that goes a little too far, then at least for mental incapacity.

Wouldn’t it be great if they actually did something like this?