Devin Nunes was walking to his car in the parking lot of a Washington restaurant after having dinner there with Jim Jordan. Over steak and large glasses of great Russian vodka, the two shared thoughts on how to continue their defense of President Trump in the Impeachment hearings. Nunes smiled to himself recalling the new and even more baseless reasons they had come up with to explain why the President’s conduct had been, as he called it, “perfect” and why Joe Biden was really the corrupt one.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, it began to rain heavily. The rain was falling just where Nunes was walking. Then came a blast of lightening. The lightening was so strong that it made the area around him shine as if in a Broadway spotlight. As bright as the lightening was, it was just as pointed. A direct hit, right on Nunes . As soon as he fell, the storm stopped.
When Nunes awoke, he was no longer in the parking lot. He didn’t recognize the surroundings at all. The only thing he could tell was that it was hot, very hot.
“Where am I?” Nunes wondered aloud. “This looks like nowhere I’ve ever been. All I know is that it’s hot. Hot as hell.”
“You’re exactly right,” a voice boomed.
Nunes was stunned. He looked around. “Who is that?” he yelled. That’s when the saw it. The source of the voice he’d heard was something that looked exactly like Jim Jordan, but with two exceptions. This Jim Jordan had horns and a tail.
“Welcome, Devin,” the Jordan figure said. “You are finally where you belong. Your life is getting its just rewards. You have gone to hell.”
“But, but, but . . .” Nunes hardly knew what to say next. He didn’t understand why he was here. He didn’t understand why this Jim Jordan figure was here. Without expressing any of these questions, though, the Jordan figure answered them.
“This, Devin, is the gateway to Hades. This is where it is explained to you why you ended up here. I am the guardian of the gate. I am known by many names. You can call me Donald.“
“But, you look so much like Jim Jordan.”
“Of course, I do. He is my son. I am so proud of him. He was raised here in the heat. That’s why he never wears a jacket. But, let’s get down to business. Here’s why you’re here. It is because of your child molestation and your numerous murders.”
“What?” Nunes desperately asked. “I never did any of those things!
Undeterred, Donald continued. “And your sex slavery business and your mob connections.”
“Wait, wait. You are making this stuff up. I am being falsely accused. There are no facts to support what you are saying about me.”
Donald paused before answering. When he spoke, it was softly. “How does it feel, Devin? Do you like being falsely accused with bullshit? Do you like getting what you gave? So, welcome. Welcome to your own personal hell.”
And that’s when it got even hotter.
We were right 