Each day our President confronts us with more additional outrages. Some days he’s mendacious; some days he’s immature; and all days, he’s ignorant. His recent letter to the President of Turkey (the one where he told Erdogan not “to be a fool” and then Erdogan threw it in the trash) was a masterful combination of all of these despicable qualities merged into one. If you rolled the letter up, it could have been sold as a taco of shame.
It got me wondering what letters Trump would have written had he been President during other historical periods.
Here’s one:
Dear Adolph:
I really enjoyed our visit the other day. Eva looked great. She is one hot little fraulein. And you are a funny son-of-a-bitch. That joke about the Priest, the Gypsy, and the Rabbi in the cattle car still has me laughing.
And what a great job you are doing. You are such a strong leader. The crowds at your rallies are almost as big as mine.
I know you want me to stay out of your war and I would very much like to do that. But, look, as much as I understand your reasons for the camps, if you keep building more of them, history may view you less favorably than you obviously deserve. Here’s my suggestion: if you need to put up more camps, let me build them for you. I’m a great builder, the best in the world. And we’ve got lots of room here in my country. Shit, there are parts of Montana that will welcome them. My company can construct them for you. Will give you my best price. After all, I can use cheap material. They ain’t luxury condos.
I’ll have Don, Jr. call you.
And here’s another:
Dear Jefferson:
We miss you here in Washington. When you were in Congress, I really enjoyed our parties. I understand why you may have wanted to leave us and lead the Confederacy. But, Christ, look at all the problems you guys have given me. If you’d stayed here, I’m sure we could have worked something out. You think I love the Blacks? I never wanted them to live in my buildings. Slavery fits my business model just as well as it fits yours’.
Why don’t we have a summit meeting? We can have it at one of my hotels. I just put up a new Trump Bull Run Resort right on the battlefield. It has a casino and everything. Bring all your people, government and military. If you want to have some of the southern belles tag along, that won’t hurt. I’ll pack the place, too. We looked all over the country and my people tell me that my hotel was the best. I’ll give you a decent break on room rates. I know how you Rebs eat and drink, so Food and Beverage we can negotiate. We can resolve this. Don’t be a fool. If we get this done, the name Jefferson Davis can go down in history linked to Donald J. Trump. What could be better than that?
I’ll telegraph you.
We were right 