We have been able to receive exclusive access to a transcript of a behind the scenes transcript of meeting of a few of the G-7 leaders at the recent conference . Only Macron from France, Abe from Japan, Merkel of Germany and Johnson of England were there. Trump was not. Reportedly, he was watching television. The meeting was secretly taped and so the leaders were remarkably candid.
Macron: Can you believe this fucking guy, Trump? How do we deal with an asshole like that?
Merkel: I just ignore whatever he says. I deal with him the same way I deal with the drunks at Octoberfest. I just nod and walk away.
Macron: Yeah, I wish I could do that, but he’s the head of the most powerful country in the world.
Johnson: Ah, don’t worry about it. We had some pretty crazy Kings when we were the most powerful country in the world, and we got through it.
Abe: Yeah, Boris, you got through it all right. Now, you’re not even the most powerful country in Europe.
Macron: You know what he said to me yesterday? He said he really admired my country. He wished his country could come up with a salad dressing as good as French.
Merkel: He told me he was thinking about imposing a tariff on our German potato salad because it was interfering with good old American potato salad.
Macron: And he’s such a liar. I tried to avoid standing next to him whenever he was speaking. Anything can come out of that mouth. You saw him. He claimed the Vice-Premier of China called him last night. Even China denies it.
Johnson: He told me that he got a call from Elvis.
Abe: And the people in the U.S. actually elected him and might do it again. What kind of sheep are they? Shit, we got some of our people to be Kamikazes, but even they wouldn’t vote for a jerk like that.
Johnson: Shinto, what would happen if you acted like him?
Abe: We treasure honor. If I got caught in even a fraction of the number of lies that guy tells, it would be hara-kiri time for me.
Merkel: And he’s so dumb. Whenever he claims that China is taking five billion dollars from America, which his wrong by the way, he always adds, “billion, with a ‘b’”. I think that’s because he is so proud that he knows how to spell it.
Abe: He should know. That word showed up in all of his bankruptcy filings.
Johnson: Imagine how I feel. People are calling me “the British Trump.” How do I change that?
Macron: First, Boris, change your hair. We have some great stylists here. I’ll pay.
Merkel: While we’re on that subject. I volunteer to have our intelligence people sneak into Trump’s room and steal his wigs. That would embarrass him into maybe shutting up.
Abe: He’s un-embarrasable.
Macron: And he wants Putin to get back in here!
Merkel: I think he wants Putin to get back in him.
(They all laugh. Then they all cry.)
We were right 